Death Watcher-Section 3

First, I apologize these snippets aren't very long. Between work, school, family, and editing I don't have a lot of time. Hopefully I'll pick up my pace soon though because this one is always in my head. 
Second, if you missed either of the previous sections go here: Death Watcher-Section 1 or here: Death Watcher-Section 2



“Jake…” I started, turning off the car. I thought about trying to outright lie to him again, but he would know. He always knew. Once again guilt clawed at my throat until it was hard for me to breath normal. Jake was one of the best men I’ve ever known and I’d gotten him involved in something I didn’t even understand.

I cleared my throat and tried again. “That man across the street. He was…well, it’s just that…I could tell he was completely impaired. He couldn’t even walk straight and when I saw him heading for his car, I panicked.” There. Some truth, some…not truth. Hopefully he would let it go.

“Raelynn, do you know why I broke up with you?” Jake asked, his voice a low timber in the too quite car. The sudden change of topic took me completely by surprise. My gaze snapped to his and suddenly the already small space now felt overwhelmingly suffocating.

In all honestly I didn’t know why he dumped me. I assumed it was just because he was so popular now and wanted to date around. But I never asked him, just accepted when he said we were over and happy to have been a part of his life. Having no air left in my lungs to answer, I shook my head. His eyes were so intense I felt a shiver rake my body before I could stop it.

“Because you’ve never let me in enough to be completely honest with me. Not really anyway. You would give me just enough to keep me around, make me think you trusted me, but you always kept your secrets to yourself. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t watch you struggle with whatever demons you wrestled and not be able to do anything about it.”

I would have laughed at his choice of words if I hadn’t been so utterly devastated. He pinned me directly and I couldn’t handle what he was saying. It was true. Too true, and there was nothing I could do about it. It was better to let him think I had trust issues than try to explain the very real demons that actually haunted my life.

He seemed to realize the conclusion I arrived at and sighed in defeat, sufficiently breaking my heart into smaller pieces than they already were. Tears blurred my vision as Jake reached for the handle of my car. This was worse than when we broke up, how was that possible? It felt infinitely more final and I hated it. Hated that I had to deal with this ugliness in my life alone still.

“I hope someday you find someone you trust enough to open up to. I’m sorry it couldn’t be me, but if you ever need a friend I’m always yours. Just don’t ever ask me to knock out a drunk man again,” he smiled, trying to break the tension choking the air. It would have worked if he hadn’t looked so desolate.

My heart screamed at me to call him back and tell him everything. Instead I watched him walk down the street and turn the corner, until I could no longer see his hunched form. The tears fell freely then and the aching in my chest was almost unbearable.

I knew Jake would find a way to get his car from school, or just get a ride in the morning and since he only lived three blocks from my house I didn’t need to worry about his safety. But I did. Something terrible happened today and I could only pray whatever would come next wouldn’t involve him.

That’s how I knew what I did had been the right thing. By not telling Jake what was going on I could protect him. It shattered me to let him go, knowing I was the reason we weren’t together anymore. But I would be okay. I would move on knowing Jake was safe. And that was worth the heartache.

I finally flipped down the visor mirror and fixed my appearance before I dashed toward the safety of my house. Just as I reached the door handle I had the overwhelming feeling I was being watched. Turning back I scanned the surrounding houses and streets and saw nothing. I waited for the cold, but I took its absence as a good sign. Still my stomach dropped like a stone and I quickly ran inside and locked the door behind me. What had I done?

*Copyright Jayne L. Bowden*